Anti-Hype Man

[Intro – Spoken, cool & deadpan]

Yeah…

You know the type.

New haircut. Same old pitch.

Fresh buzzwords, polished shoes.

He rolls in like a prophet —

Talks like he’s seen the promised land.

Voice smooth like a TED Talk,

Swagger like he’s saving the world.

He’s not here to work the plan —

He’s here to sell the dream.

Calls it “vision.”

I call it noise.

[Verse 1]

He said, “Let’s ideate and pivot fast”

I said, “Cool, but where’s the budget at?”

He dropped “leverage” like it was a mic

But couldn’t ship one feature right

He’s all-in on the customer journey

But can’t make a move without a gurney

He’s gamifying lunch breaks

Talking like a keynote

Slides full of fire, backend’s still broke

[Chorus]

I’m not your hype man, I kill the vibe, man

While you circle back, I cut the line, man

You pitch the dream, I read the fine print

You sell the moon, I ask where the time went

I’m not your hype man, I bring the facts in

You chant “scale up,” I ask what’s happenin’

You pitch the cloud like it’s holy land

But I see through the fog, I’m the Anti-Hype Man

[Verse 2]

I’m the one in the back with the muted cam

Watching hype-men dance on the diagram

High on vision, low on plan

Can’t spell “ship,” but got a rebrand

You call it agile, I call it chaos

Twelve weeks deep and we still in kickoff

You said “Q1's where the magic lands”

Now it's Q4 and I’m out of patience, man

[Chorus]

I’m not your hype man, I kill the vibe, man

You sell AI dreams, I check the drive, man

You pitch the cloud like it’s holy land

But I see through the fog, I’m the Anti-Hype Man

[Verse 3 – The AI Grift, Final Version]

Now he’s saying AI’s takin’ all our jobs

While ignoring that the balance sheet’s a sob

Burnin’ cash like code prints gold

But it’s venture fumes propping up the bold

He says, “This machine can think and feel”

But if it were human, we’d call it unreal

No empathy, no guilt, no soul

If a person talked like that, we’d say they’re cold

And yeah, it spits words with lightning speed

But it’s all remix, not some conscious need

They say it's “smart,” like it’s heaven-sent

But it’s broke, emotionless, and still needs rent

[Bridge – Quieter, creeping intensity]

You promise scale with every breath

But can’t survive a user test

You say we’re “agile,” say we’re “lean”

But nothing ships, and no one’s seen

Just dashboards, decks, and demo scenes

A thousand meetings, zero means

The louder you sell, the less that lands

I’m not the crowd, I’m the Anti-Hype Man

[Final Chorus – Big, bold, no illusions left]

I’m not your hype man, I kill the vibe, man

While you toast success, I watch the slide, man

You pitch the dream, I read the fine print

You sell the moon, I ask where the time went

I’m not your hype man, I see the scam

Buzzwords fall like a house of sand

You sell the future with a shaky hand

But I’m not buying, I’m the Anti-Hype Man

[Outro – Spoken, deadpan fadeout]

Call me when the work’s real.